dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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