You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
