their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
