She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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