You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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