What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
