Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
