no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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