I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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