I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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