the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
