I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Houston, we have a blender
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
