Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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