I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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