Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
