id be glad to
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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