Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
