Whod you bang
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
