Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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