you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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