Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
