How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
