It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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