She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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