If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
