I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
