I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
