just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
