i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
