He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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