I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Pants are for mortals
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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