I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
