someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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