why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
