why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
