My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
