the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
