I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
