We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
