Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
