marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
