somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
