I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
MIDGETS
????
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
