Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Randomize
