She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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