So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
