Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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