It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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