We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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