Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
