I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
