yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
