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I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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